Looking Back and Thinking Ahead

*Disclaimer – I haven’t blogged in 5 years, mainly because I don’t think I have anything that needs to be added to the constant stream of voices in cyberspace.  The following has been weighing on my heart for about 2 months and I decided since I can’t shake it, maybe I need to put it out there.  Maybe there are others that are in the same place and need to know they are not alone, or maybe I just need to be held accountable by friends that will read this.  Also, do not be afraid this is not another single female chiming in on the call to singlehood, waiting for prince charming, or how to survive only having friends that are coupled up. 

2017… what a year.  I feel like as the year winds down and I look back, I see a lot of me chasing rabbits or worse my own tail.  No there was no single giant catastrophic moment, but rather several small moments that I look at and I’m frustrated by.  Moments where I wish I would have pressed into Jesus more deeply. Moments where I wish I would have sought the counsel of wise, Godly people. Moments where I wish I would have taken a step back and seen the big picture. Moments where I wish I would have loved better.  All these moments point to the same problem for me… distraction.

I was so distracted in 2017.  Some of my pet distractions:

• Family
• Health
• Career
• Others Expectations
• Friendships
• Being a control freak
• Pet sins

Just saying these out loud hurt my heart. They aren’t all bad things, don’t get me wrong, some of them are, but some of them are good things, that because I am a broken person I have elevated to a place that makes them bad. These pet distractions, all have my focus slightly shifted, and a slight shift in ones focus can be devastating. 

But what have I been distracted from? What have I lost focus of? The short answer, Jesus. The long answer, what I have been called to as a believer.  Don’t get me wrong, my relationship with Jesus is stronger than it has ever been.  I think that is why I can look at back at things and think… that should have been different.  Or I can look at these pet distractions and call them what they really are, idols. They make horrible gods and only lead to pain and destruction.  I have the scars to prove it.

So, as I have been thinking back on 2017 and thinking forward to 2018.  One idea keeps coming to mind… really one word.  Yearn.  I want to yearn for God with every fiber of my being.  I want to cry out with the psalmist:

“I stretch out my hands to You; my soul longs for You as a parched land.” Psalm 143:6

“Whom have in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.” Psalm 73:25

I want to sing the lyrics to a familiar Shane and Shane song at the top of my lungs and have them be the cry of my heart:

Lord, I want to yearn for You

I want to burn with passion

Over You, and only You.

I want my focus to be on the Lord so that I yearn for the things He has for me.  I want my distractions to be laid at His feet and left there. I want to rejoice and weep with Him. I want to yearn for Him and Him alone, knowing that He is faithful to provide just what I need when I need it. 

I know this sounds a lot like a new year’s resolution, but it is so much bigger than that.  It is a prayer.  I want to Yearn for God and nothing else.  So I want rest in the last verses of Habakkuk:

“Though the fig tree should not blossom,

nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail

and the fields yield no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

God, the Lord, is my strength;

he makes my feet like the deer’s;

 he makes me tread on my high places.”

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Thanks for reading, enjoy the end of 2017 and may you Yearn for the Lord in 2018.

Also, single girls if you are reading this… Your Prince has already come, his name is Jesus.  No man that walks into your life will complete you. Love Jesus. Follow Jesus. Be obedient to what He has called you to.  The rest will take care of itself.   (sorry, I couldn’t help myself)